Link #99: The Nine Types of Stutterers.

A humourous list I co-wrote with some fellow PWS friends of mine. I talk all about it on episode #150 dedicated to the importance and health benefits of laughing at ourselves.

The Cure Chaser
They try every technique in the book, call it a cure, but stutter anyway. Then try another cure the following week. They scrutinized the techniques in The King’s Speech including finding willing participants to sit on their stomachs.

The Confident Stutterer
Always makes fluent people feel awkward by overtly stuttering on purpose. The confident stutterer makes all the phone calls, ticket orders and is the wingman in nightclubs.

The Master of Avoidance
They’re impossible to reach on the phone, easy via texting. Covert and having practically memorized both the dictionary and thesaurus, they are able to avoid and switch words and they order food they don’t want to eat. Don’t ask them to order pizza for you because you will end up with Chinese takeout instead.

The Activist
Lives for stuttering awareness and always seeks out the negative connotations in the media so they can shut down every tv show that mentions stuttering. They will not see the humour in this list at all.

The Overzealous Stutterer
Tells everyone how awesome stuttering is no matter the time or place — even in a public washroom — to the puzzlement of the Cure Chaser and Master of Avoidance. They also own at least three separate websites about stuttering and moderates stuttering communities across at least four social network accounts. They have t-shirts printed and only date speech language pathologists.

The Stutterer-Turned-SLP
The super hero of the stuttering community. Pent up on helping others who stutter, they’re dedicated to saving the world one stutterer at a time. Unfortunately, no one on this list likes hanging out with them as they continuously advocate voluntary stuttering.

The Stutter Radar
Listens intently to the speech patterns of all celebrities in anticipation of being the first to discover another famous person who stutters.

The Apathetic Stutterer
They don’t care about their stuttering nor this list. They live their lives regardless much to the astonishment of everyone on this list. The ninja of the stuttering community, they are only seen once at a meet up.

The Angry Stutterer
They blame everything on their stuttering including the hole in the ozone layer. They want to punch the overzealous stutterer in the face.